My fourth Lagree – Full Body – Light class proves memorable for a number of reasons. My Long-Suffering Husband acknowledges that I have achieved a personal best . . . four consecutive workouts at the same studio during one lifetime. He generally refers to my fitness memberships as charitable donations since I’m AWOL before the ink on the cheque is dry. Today he is very proud of me.
Today is a red letter date for a bunch of other reasons. My friend Paula is trying Lagree for the first time. My favourite classmate, Milton (not to be confused with MLSH who shares the same name), greets her by saying something along the lines of “Hi Paula. Nice to see you. You’re going to hate this!”
While Her Royal Lagreeness, Kim Rothenberg, looks after most of our muscle groups with a keen eye for correct form, Milton contributes to my overall workout by making me laugh. The fact that I can now do that without falling off the Megaformer means that I am beginning to show some progress. Tried and true Lagree exercises like Mermaid Crunch and Scrambled Eggs, performed nice and slow, make my muscles shake like jelly (the goal of the Lagree Method) and I am a rock star.
Magically, Kim confirms my success by saying “Good job, Maxine” not once but TWICE during my 45 minute workout. I am teacher’s pet!
I find it amazing that Lagree appeals equally to neophytes like me and fitness fiends. A “gents only” class last week included a cop, a bouncer and a couple of athletes. I am told that some of them were left gasping. Just. Like. Me.
I make a mental note to stalk that class in the future. Good thing that the studio has floor to ceiling windows with a conveniently located bench on the other side. That and Brown’s Social House next door will make for a good girls’ night out . . .
I’ll have to get that in before Wednesday because that’s when Lagree instructor and holistic nutrition consultant Shannon H. will be meeting with me to go over my Healthy Living Plan. That is code for “The party’s over.”
It will take Shannon a little time to recover from the shock of my surprisingly honest food diary and lifestyle assessment, but she does want to provide a few takeaways in our first meeting.
She reminds me to hydrate, advising at least eight glasses of water a day. Since the washroom is the only place in my house that doesn’t have an emergency chocolate or potato chip stash, I concur that it is a safe and effective spot to be spending all that extra time. I’ll get some additional exercise too as I skip, skip, skip to my loo.
Shannon discovers that I ingest a surprising volume of artificial sweetener and recommends that I say goodbye to the chemicals. She gets started on caffeine too, but I am somehow able to convince her that it is the only thing gluing me together, so she relents . . . at least for now.
I come clean about my potato chip and chocolate addiction (Pringles came up with the recently launched chocolate covered potato chip because of folks like me).
Shannon extols the virtues of sea or Himalayan salt over highly processed salts. I am relieved – though I don’t say it out loud – that I know precisely which chips and chocolates feature sea salt.
Desperately looking for at least one food preference that will impress Shannon, I confess a fondness for Oat Bran. She tells me that Chia seeds are a better choice. Suddenly I get that Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia jingle in my head and envision myself sprouting like a Chia Pet.
Distracted as I am by the images and music in my head, I am fully aware of Shannon’s number one agenda for me because she says it out loud.
“I talk a lot about poop,” says Shannon. We are going to bulk up your poop.”
That comment nets a couple of stares from fellow patrons at the Café where we are meeting. Good thing I’m still wearing exercise clothes . . . if there’s anyone here who knows me, they won’t recognize me in those.
[An aside: Apparently, Chia seeds ARE really good at bulking up your poop. When I go looking for healthy, Shannon- approved groceries later, I find a chia breakfast cereal that is – honest to God – called Holy Crap. I’ll let you know . . .]
Shannon and I get back to my favourite topic . . . food. I confess that I am a carnivore whose favourite meal is a Flintstone-style brontosaurus steak that overlaps the plate. This is a culinary choice dating back to my childhood. I didn’t know that normal people don’t eat that way . . . until classmates staying to dinner were struck dumb when they realized that the plate in front of them wasn’t intended for the whole family. This may be the origin of that time-honoured expression, “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing!”
Shannon says she is a big fan of legumes. I get the impression she will not rest until I am, literally, full of beans. She assures me that if I eat food that is good for me, my body will naturally arrive at the weight it needs to be.
I don’t want to shake as much jelly as I’ve been shaking. My goal is to shed for all time the 40 lbs I have lost and found repeatedly over four decades. My motivation used to be 100 per cent pure and unadulterated vanity. Now it has more to do with longevity, quality of life and vanity.
While I ordinarily put all my trust in a higher power, I trust in Shannon to help me fuel my Lagree workout and build a healthier lifestyle.
From now through May 10, 2015 everyone gets a 20% Mother’s Day discount on all Lagree YYC group and private sessions. Celebrate the special moms in your life with the gift of Lagree YYC and treat yourself to a great workout too . . . Mom will be proud of you!